Anna University –
Regulation 2017
HS8381 - INTERPERSONAL
SKILLS/LISTENING & SPEAKING
Listening Skills
Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process.
Listening is the key to all
effective communication. Without the ability to listen effectively, messages
are easily misunderstood. As a result, communication breaks down and the sender
of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated.
If there is one communication skill
you should aim to master, then listening is it.
Listening is so important that many
top employers provide listening skills training for their employees. This is
not surprising when you consider that good listening skills can lead to better
customer satisfaction, greater productivity with fewer mistakes, and increased
sharing of information that in turn can lead to more creative and innovative
work.
Many successful leaders and
entrepreneurs credit their success to effective listening skills. Richard
Branson frequently quotes listening as one of the main factors behind the
success of Virgin.
Effective listening is a skill that
underpins all positive human relationships.
Spend some time thinking about and
developing your listening skills – they are the building blocks of success.
Good listening skills also have
benefits in our personal lives, including:
A greater number of friends and
social networks, improved self-esteem and confidence, higher grades at school
and in academic work and even better health and general well-being.
Studies have shown that, whereas
speaking raises blood pressure, attentive listening can bring it down.
Listening is Not the Same as Hearing
Hearing refers to the sounds that
enter your ears. It is a physical process that, provided you do not have any
hearing problems, happens automatically.
Listening, however, requires more
than that: it requires focus and concentrated effort, both mental and sometimes
physical as well.
Listening means paying attention
not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and
how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware
of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively
depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.
Listening is not a passive process.
In fact, the listener can, and should, be at least as engaged in the process as
the speaker. The phrase ‘active listening’ is used to describe this process of
being fully involved.
The most basic and powerful way to connect to another
person is to listen. Just listen.
Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our
attention.
Rachel Naomi
Remen
We Spend a lot of Time Listening
Adults spend an average of 70% of
their time engaged in some sort of communication. Of this, research shows that
an average of 45% is spent listening compared to 30% speaking, 16% reading and
9% writing. (Adler, R. et al. 2001). That is, by any standards, a lot of time
listening. It is worthwhile taking a bit of extra time to ensure that you
listen effectively.
Time Spent Communicating
A 'pie in pie' chart to show the
significance of listening.
Based on the research of: Adler,
R., Rosenfeld, L. and Proctor, R. (2001)
Interplay: the process of
interpersonal communicating (8th edn), Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt.
Effective listening requires
concentration and the use of your other senses - not just hearing the words
spoken.
Listening is not the same as
hearing and in order to listen effectively you need to use more than just your
ears.
Barriers to Effective Listening
To improve the process of effective
listening, it can be helpful to turn the problem on its head, and look at
barriers to effective listening, or ineffective listening.
For example, one common problem is
that instead of listening closely to what someone is saying, we often get
distracted after a sentence or two, and instead start to think about what we
are going to say in reply. This means that we do not listen to the rest of the
speaker’s message.
We may also get distracted by the
speaker’s appearance, or by what someone else is saying, which sounds more
interesting.
These issues not only affect you,
but you are likely to show your lack of attention in your body language.
Generally, we find it much harder
to control our body language, and you are likely to show your distraction
and/or lack of interest by lack of eye contact, or posture. The speaker will
detect the problem, and probably stop talking at best. At worse, they may be
very offended or upset.
Active Listening
Active listening is a skill that
can be acquired and developed with practice. However, active listening can be
difficult to master and will, therefore, take time and patience to develop.
'Active listening' means, as its
name suggests, actively listening. That is fully concentrating on what is being
said rather than just passively ‘hearing’ the message of the speaker.
Active listening involves listening
with all senses. As well as giving full
attention to the speaker, it is important that the ‘active listener’ is also
‘seen’ to be listening - otherwise the speaker may conclude that what they are
talking about is uninteresting to the listener.
Interest can be conveyed to the
speaker by using both verbal and non-verbal messages such as maintaining eye
contact, nodding your head and smiling, agreeing by saying ‘Yes’ or simply ‘Mmm
hmm’ to encourage them to continue. By
providing this 'feedback' the person speaking will usually feel more at ease
and therefore communicate more easily, openly and honestly.
Signs of Active Listening
Non-Verbal Signs of Attentive or Active Listening
This is a generic list of
non-verbal signs of listening, in other words people who are listening are more
likely to display at least some of these signs.
However these signs may not be appropriate in all situations and across
all cultures.
Smile
Small smiles can be used to show
that the listener is paying attention to what is being said or as a way of
agreeing or being happy about the messages being received. Combined with nods of the head, smiles can be
powerful in affirming that messages are being listened to and understood.
Eye Contact
It is normal and usually
encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker. Eye contact can however be
intimidating, especially for more shy speakers – gauge how much eye contact is
appropriate for any given situation.
Combine eye contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to
encourage the speaker.
Posture
Posture can tell a lot about the
sender and receiver in interpersonal interactions. The attentive listener tends to lean slightly
forward or sideways whilst sitting.
Other signs of active listening may include a slight slant of the head
or resting the head on one hand.
Mirroring
Automatic reflection/mirroring of
any facial expressions used by the speaker can be a sign of attentive listening. These reflective expressions can help to show
sympathy and empathy in more emotional situations. Attempting to consciously mimic facial
expressions (i.e. not automatic reflection of expressions) can be a sign of
inattention.
Distraction
The active listener will not be
distracted and therefore will refrain from fidgeting, looking at a clock or
watch, doodling, playing with their hair or picking their fingernails.
Verbal Signs of Attentive or Active
Listening
Positive Reinforcement
Although a strong signal of
attentiveness, caution should be used when using positive verbal reinforcement.
Although some positive words of
encouragement may be beneficial to the speaker the listener should use them
sparingly so as not to distract from what is being said or place unnecessary
emphasis on parts of the message.
Casual and frequent use of words
and phrases, such as: ‘very good’, ‘yes’ or ‘indeed’ can become irritating to
the speaker. It is usually better to
elaborate and explain why you are agreeing with a certain point.
Remembering
The human mind is notoriously bad
at remembering details, especially for any length of time.
However, remembering a few key
points, or even the name of the speaker, can help to reinforce that the
messages sent have been received and understood – i.e. listening has been
successful. Remembering details, ideas
and concepts from previous conversations proves that attention was kept and is
likely to encourage the speaker to continue.
During longer exchanges it may be appropriate to make very brief notes
to act as a memory jog when questioning or clarifying later.
Questioning
The listener can demonstrate that
they have been paying attention by asking relevant questions and/or making
statements that build or help to clarify what the speaker has said. By asking relevant questions the listener
also helps to reinforce that they have an interest in what the speaker has been
saying.
Reflection
Reflecting is closely repeating or
paraphrasing what the speaker has said in order to show comprehension. Reflection is a powerful skill that can
reinforce the message of the speaker and demonstrate understanding.
Clarification
Clarifying involves asking
questions of the speaker to ensure that the correct message has been
received. Clarification usually involves
the use of open questions which enables the speaker to expand on certain points
as necessary.
Summarisation
Repeating a summary of what has
been said back to the speaker is a technique used by the listener to repeat
what has been said in their own words. Summarising involves taking the main
points of the received message and reiterating them in a logical and clear way,
giving the speaker chance to correct if necessary.
#
# # # #
